Canadian Underwear Girls Don’t Measure Up, UGG FL

By September 18, 2013Satire, What's Up With That?

Councillor John Smith’s ill-fated Plan A took another shot in the groin with the announcement this week that the Underwear Girls Gridiron Football League (UGG FL) will not be spending any money in the White Elephant on King Road.

Photo: Not a UGG FL girl

The Abbotsford Entertainment and Sports Centre (AESC) currently sucks about $10 million a year out of Abbotsford taxpayers’ pockets in what Smith referred to as the “hockey mad town” when pitching his boner back in 2006.

In a desperate attempt to cover their losses the City of Abbotsford has raised taxes to the highest level in the Fraser Valley, doubled water rates for no justifiable reason and lowered its standards on the calibre of entertainment it will allow in public buildings.

“You got a girly show … we got a venue”, the latest promotional campaign from Abbotsford’s Economic Development Department has managed to attract at least one paying customer – the UGG FL.

However, in an announcement this week the UGG FL said they will be cancelling their 2013 season because this year’s crop of girls just doesn’t measure up to the high standards expected by the leagues knuckle-dragging fans.

The league says that girls on their Canadian teams aren’t prepared to play at the level expected by fans.

Apparently, Canadian girls have standards below which they will not stoop.

“We take our sport and the preparation to play the sport, extremely seriously.” – Underwear Girls Gridiron Football League Management Statement.

Sources tell Abbotsford Today that Global Spectrum, the Philadelphia company which manages the AESC, is in talks with Kermit, Big Bird and a number of other retired Muppets to see if they can be coaxed into one final show.

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