The Guerilla Gardener – Beauty In The Eye Of Beholder

By Brenda Dyck.

Guerilla Gardeners look at garden ornaments as a unique opportunity to create a personal space that is all their own – whether it”s plastic flamingos or expensive statuary. Some people may think it’s tacky or maybe even gaudy but to quote Felder Rushing (a suspected Guerilla Gardener) “Gaudy is doing something people don’t like but you think you know what you’re doing so it’s OK and tacky is when you don’t know any better and bless your heart you do it anyway!”

As a Guerilla Gardener I prefer to think of it as amusing. I may not choose to put an old toilet planted with flowers, an electric neon palm tree, or scads of garden gnomes in my garden, but I always find it amusing when it’s in someone else’s yard. To quote the above mentioned suspected Guerilla Gardener “If the neighbors don’t get it, they can just shut up.”

However if you are a gnome loving Guerilla Gardener be warned there is a subversive gardening movement called Free the Gnomes ( that encourages your gnome hating neighbors to liberate your garden gnomes and post pictures on their website. The website has information on “What to do if you find a Gnome in Captivity”, a print out of a “Letter to be sent to the Gnome Captor”, and sells t-shirts, coffee cups, pillows, magnets, buttons, hats, license plates and other items all advertising the slogan ‘Free the Gnomes’.

They urge people to join their boycott, organize picket demonstrations and want people to write to politicians asking them to banish
Home Depot as it supplies many gardeners who enslave Gnomes. There is even a letter from someone named Shania in the mail and photo section who admits to liberating plastic flamingos as well as Garden Gnomes. Although I don’t have flamingos or gnomes in my garden, I suspect that there are also some gargoyle ‘liberators’ who may be eyeing up my garden ornaments.

Here are some ideas to prevent garden ornament theft in your neighborhood:
– Lock away expensive/sentimental garden items when on holidays.
– Make sure that sheds and garages have adequate security and that door and window frames cannot be forced.
– Prune trees and shrubs near sheds, greenhouses and garages to prevent thieves working undetected.
– Consider planting theft-deterrent shrubs, such as those with prickly leaves and thorns close to vulnerable entry points.
– Keep the garden well lit.

These strategies will help deter thieves from stealing your valued garden ornaments. One of the more militant Guerrilla Gardeners I know has even suggested impaling the heads of unwanted door to door salesmen in the garden to scare off any potential garden ornament thieves! However I cannot in all good faith recommend this as it would be considered very bad feng shui (not to mention a possible murder charge) so I suggest following the above mentioned preventive measures instead.

As a closing Guerilla Gardener thought:
When your garden is finally planted I hope it will be more beautiful
that you anticipated, be less weeding than you expected,
and have cost only a little more than what you actually told your spouse.

Brenda Dyck AKA The Guerilla Gardener

Brenda Dyck is a Fraser Valley writer AKA a Guerrilla Gardener
Guerilla Garden Adventures
Using unconventional gardening ideas,
to get maximum results from minimal resources.
Look for more columns from Brenda in the coming weeks.

Articles on the Guerilla Garden Adventures should never be construed as professional advice. Any resemblance to Master Gardeners, living or dead is purely coincidental.
I do not in any way condone or recommend following any of the advice or ideas contained on or linked in any article. These articles are based on my own Guerilla Garden Adventures (or that of some anonymous close friends), and have been considered by some people to be dangerous, immoral and/or down right illegal.
The only purpose of these articles is to share my Guerilla Garden Adventures, stories, disasters and triumphs with a warped sense of garden humor. Neither myself nor anyone I know will assume liability for any issues or legal proceedings arising (either real or imagined) from anyone who decides to embark upon their own Guerilla Gardener Adventure!

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