You Might Be A Guerilla Gardener If …

By February 16, 2015The Guerilla Gardener

By Brenda Dyck. February is the month known for love. While most people are hoping for a Valentine card or some flowers, there are some gardeners out there that are still old school, eagerly standing by the mail box waiting for the seed catalogs to arrive. Then there are the Internet savvy gardeners who simply cannot wait and will be found impatiently surfing the internet looking for seeds, information or gardening ideas online. Either way everybody wants a love garden (or loves a garden) and if you are a guerilla gardener your always looking for new ideas. How do you know you’re if a guerilla gardener for sure?

You Might be a Guerilla Gardener If:

-You plant anything you want, where ever you want, and think that “totally out of control” should be considered as an acceptable type of gardening style.

-You have been known to pocket seeds from various public parks and gardens and have a couple of Ziploc bags on hand for just such an occasion.

-You have been known to commit random acts of gardening on properties that don’t belong to you!

-You know 101 ways to kill a slug – and take great delight on days when there is an exceptionally large body count.

-You know how many bags of fertilizer your car can hold and you are now thinking that this type of crap could make a nice Valentine’s Day present.

-You can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a hose in one hand and a cocktail in the other.

-You think there are only two rules for composting-stop throwing that stuff away and pile it up somewhere.

-You believe that a weed is just an unloved flower-it’s your story and you stick to it. Especially when they run out of roses on Valentine ’s Day at your local flower shop.

You also might be a guerilla gardener if you love gardening so much that every spring you and your friends (a.k.a. accomplices) drive 45 minutes to a large commercial greenhouse (possibly firing seed bombs out the window on the way), fill an 8 ft pick-up truck full, including the front of the cab so that you can barely see out the front window and then head to another greenhouse, just in case they have something that you REALLY want.

And finally

As a Guerilla Gardener you believe that if a plant turns out to be unreliable, refuses to behave as advertised, or starts falling down all over the place, you rip it out, fling it onto the compost heap and let it die a slow lingering death while rushing off to find a replacement. After all there is no room in the “love garden” for plants with ugly dispositions. Note-some accomplices have even said that the same thing holds true for ex-husbands but in all honesty I cannot comment on that as there may be implications.
So this Valentine’s Day I suggest you plan and plant your own love garden to decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone else to bring you flowers. Or better yet, go all guerilla gardener and show some love combined with your own brand of Horticultural Therapy by unexpectedly planting some seeds in someone’s garden when they are not looking!

Brenda Dyck is a Fraser Valley writer AKA a Guerilla Gardener
Guerilla Garden Adventures
Using unconventional gardening ideas,
to get maximum results from minimal resources.
You can reach Brenda by clicking here.

Articles on the Guerilla Garden Adventures should never be construed as professional advice. Any resemblance to Master Gardeners, living or dead is purely coincidental.
I do not in any way condone or recommend following any of the advice or ideas contained on or linked in any article. These articles are based on my own Guerilla Garden Adventures (or that of some anonymous close friends), and have been considered by some people to be dangerous, immoral and/or down right illegal.
The only purpose of these articles is to share my Guerilla Garden Adventures, stories, disasters and triumphs with a warped sense of garden humor. Neither myself nor anyone I know will assume liability for any issues or legal proceedings arising (either real or imagined) from anyone who decides to embark upon their own Guerilla Gardener Adventure!

Leave a Reply