There are three massive mistakes even smart mothers make that keep them frustrated, overwhelmed, guilty and worried about their children’s future. Most women have their child’s best interests at heart and want to be good mothers. Unfortunately, children are not born with training manuals pinned to their navels.
As a result, most women do not know what they are doing or how well they are fulfilling their roles as mothers.
As the mother of six children myself, I never knew if what I was doing was right. I experimented with my first child as she went through each new age and stage. By the time I figured out how to handle it, she was out of that stage and into another. And what worked for her, didn’t work for the others.
I once knew a man who had no children and six theories on how to raise them. Then he got married and had children of his own. Now, he has six children and no theories.
So, what are the three massive mistakes even smart mothers make that keep them frustrated,overwhelmed, guilty and worried about their children’s future?
Mistake # 3: The Sponge Syndrome
As mother’s we sponge up all of our kids fears and problems. We think it is our problem to fix our kids, no matter how old they are. The first reason this is a mistake, is because it is impossible to do. We can’t “fix” our kids! We can guide them and teach them but they have to learn for themselves.
By overprotecting them and “solving” their problems, we make them weak and dependent on us. Not only that, they will resent us for it! They will feel that we believe they are not capable of looking after themselves.
All we will do is weaken our children, alienate them and make ourselves sick trying to do the impossible.
Mistake # 2: Trying To Do It All Alone
You’ve probably heard the statement: “It takes a village to raise a child.” There is a lot of truth in that. In the old days when people stayed in villages, surrounded by their extended families, there were other people to help, support and train the children. But, in today’s world, we don’t have that as much, if at all. Many mothers are trying to do it alone.
It doesn’t matter if they are sick or tired or working out of the home. The needs of the children still must be met. Often by women who are not having their own needs met or who are emotionally ill equipped to raise a child. They feel isolated, all alone, overwhelmed and exhausted.
They need to connect with other women and create a support network for themselves.
Mistake # 1: Not Taking Care of Their Own Needs
This is probably the biggest problem that the majority of mothers face today! They spend so much time and energy meeting the needs of their children and everyone else, they have no time, energy or resources left to take care of themselves.
Unfortunately, you can’t keep giving from an empty bucket. Eventually, there is nothing left to give. Everything starts to fall apart, including the woman’s health.
A woman’s first priority has to be taking care of her own physical, social and emotional needs. The very best thing she can do for her children is to be healthy herself! She will then interact with her children is a more positive, healthy way. This will allow her children to also respond in healthier, more responsible ways. It truly creates a win-win situation for everyone.
Unfortunately, most women don’t know how to deal with their overwhelming emotions in a positive way. In eight years of intensive research, I found the best tool for eliminating negative emotions to be Emotional Freedom Technique or EFT.
A four-hour Stress-Free Parenting seminar is being held in Surrey on Saturday, May 15th that will teach mothers how to use EFT to eliminate their parenting stress and restore their joy and effectiveness with their children.
—
Sheryl Stanton is a registered nurse, stress relief coach, author of four stress-relief books, DVDs and home study courses, speaker and trainer. She is available for interviews and can be reached by phone at (604) 820-8439 or by email: stressrelief@shaw.ca
To visit her website click here.
Sheryl Stanton, R.N.
ARCHIVED 04/25/10