From Wendy Bales. The Director for Area C of the Fraser Valley regional District showed us this week she has a sense of humour when she sent us this brilliant set of simplified descriptions of most of the ‘isms’ in the world and how they function.
Please enjoy and, at the end you’ll see we’re inviting you to join in a local discussion.
Originally from Prof. Dr. Gerald Hüther.
TWO COWS
~ {Matthias Varga}
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour…COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milkFASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milkNAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots youBUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk awayTRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.
You sell them and retire on the incomeROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption
for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
the cow has dropped dead.A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three
cows.A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and
market it worldwide.AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows,
but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive…
In the humourous spirit of the post we’d like to invite our readers to provide an ending for a local version.
THE CITY OF ABBOTSFORD
You have two cows …
.
.
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Here’s a few to start us off:
THE CITY OF ABBOTSFORD
You have two cows
You offer them to a thirsty guy but only if he’s stop drinking
THE CITY OF ABBOTSFORD
You have two cows
You borrow $55 Million; build a gigantic heated barn for them; guarantee the cows they will never have to produce milk; spend $10 million a year on feed and upkeep and on buying milk in order to demonstrate you were smart to buy the cows
THE CITY OF ABBOTSFORD
You have two cows
You take them to homeless camp and have shit all over everybody
Now it’s your turn …
Please use the comments box below or email us at editor@abbotsfordtoday.ca
City of Abbotsford:
You have two cows.
They form the Historic Upfield Bovine Association, convince the other animals that they are the heart of the farm, and begin to loudly protest the existence of the chickens.
Their mooing leads the dimwitted farmer to throw away the money for the chicken coop and chase the hens into the field.
Your farm becomes known as “Chicken Harassment Acres”.
Wendy Bales Says:
Corpocracy
A government that gives the two cows that belong to the people to corporations, while milking the people to subsidize the give-away. All the while the cost of milk that they now must buy back, is becoming unaffordable for many who are still desperately hanging on to the hope of promised milking jobs. Much of the milking and profits for the peoples cows have left the country. Many of the local milking jobs have gone to foreign workers… Cows and the cream sold as a bill of goods through Free Trade.