By James Breckenridge. Once upon a time, in a land beyond the beyond in Kansas, there lived a Scarecrow who was very sad because the space between its ears was stuffed with straw.

He felt himself unthinking

Oft found himself lamenting:
If I only had a brain

With the thoughts I’d be thinkin’
I could be another Lincoln
If I only had a brain

My head I’d be scratchin’
My thoughts busy hatchin’
If I only
If I only had a brain

But the infamy of the behaviours of Abbotsford City Councils was so mind-boggling gargantuan that it spread into every tiny nook in the world, even into so tiny a cranny as the land beyond the beyond in Kansas.

The Scarecrow sat there listening as the crowds roared with laughter as the storyteller regaled them with tales of the energy and boundless activity with which Abbotsford City Council pursued their often calamitous, always ineffectual bungling.

“They keep doing the same thing over and over expecting different results?” questioned the Scarecrow. “That’s … that’s … .well … insane!” opined the Scarecrow.

The Scarecrow’s statement serving as witness to the fact that even those without a brain can recognize the absurdity of repeating behaviour with counterproductive consequences over and over in the forlorn hope that next time, the very next time, the outcome will be positive.

“Deplorable!” stated the Scarecrow, “Don’t they ever use their brains???”

The sound of sheer disbelief in the Scarecrow’s voice had the audience roaring louder than every, helpless as tears rolled down their cheeks and some members of the audience rolling helplessly about on the floor.

A little while later, as the audience sat there dumbfounded while the story teller told of how Abbotsford City Council built a cement block with metal roof building to host displays of Art and Museum, the Scarecrow slipped outside as the audience murmured in wonder as to why you would build a Museum and Art Gallery where you cannot exactly control humidity and temperature.

As the Scarecrow stood looking up at the night sky, naming familiar stars and constellations, the door opened and a comely server stepped outside and looked at the Scarecrow asking “Are you all Right?”

“Yes,” replied the Scarecrow a touch of frustration in his voice, “it just seems so unfair that I don’t have a brain and have not been successful in my Quest to get a brain and here is Abbotsford City Council with so many councillors who have brains but do not use them.”

“Perhaps, if they are not using them, you could get a brain from one of the members of Abbotsford City Council.

That way you would not only have a brain, but have a like new, never been used brain” said the server.

“There’s a thought” said the Scarecrow as they stepped back inside as the audience erupted in laughter at another story from the ‘Tales of the Misadventures of Abbotsford City Council’.

Well after the tavern had closed with the storyteller’s promise to return the next evening to tell more ‘Tales of the Misadventures of Abbotsford City Council’, in the period between the witching hour and dawn the Scarecrow jolted awake, dressed and stepped outside to gaze at the stars.

After stranding there quietly, looking up at the stars thinking, the Scarecrow nodded to himself and headed for one of the outbuildings on his property.

Late the next afternoon one of Scarecrow’s neighbours, heading into town early to ensure he did not miss a single solitary one of the storytellers ‘Tales of the Misadventures of Abbotsford City Council’, stopped and looked with wonder at the large balloon gently bobbing in the air at the end of the numerous tie-downs that held it to the ground.

“What’s up Scarecrow” inquired the neighbour, a large white rabbit as he pulled out his pocket watch to check the time as he muttered to himself ‘Don’t want to be late.”

“I’ve decided to head off to Abbotsford and see if one of the members of council who aren’t using their brain will give, trade or sell it to me” said the Scarecrow.

“Where did you get the balloon,” asked the White Rabbit as he anxiously checked the time on his pocket watch.

“From a University professor who dropped in not to long ago” said the Scarecrow.

“Where is the fire to make hot air?” asked the White Rabbit as he again checked his pocket patch for the time.

“There is no need for fire as this isn’t a hot air balloon” stated the Scarecrow who continued “Any Scarecrow with any straw between his ears knows that fire and a straw stuffed Scarecrow do not play well together.”

“Oh, it is a hydrogen balloon then?” asked the White Rabbit as he consulted his pocket watch to determine what time it was.

“Oh No,” the Scarecrow said. Then gently reminded the White Rabbit, who was again consulting his pocket watch, that hydrogen can explode in your face more violently than fire itself will.

“It’s a helium balloon. Helium is harder to obtain, but it makes for a much safer balloon, especially on a long flight” said the Scarecrow.

“Well, good luck and I will let others know you are away on a Quest for a brain” said the White Rabbit as he dropped his watch into his vest pocket and raced away muttering to himself “I’m late, I’m late, for a most important date.”

As the White Rabbit raced for the tavern and more ‘Tales of the Misadventures of Abbotsford City Council’, the Scarecrow checked his balloon to ensure he had packed all the supplies needed on his Quest.

Finding the balloon equipped with everything he thought necessary for his Quest, but not an ounce more, the Scarecrow cast off and floated away into the sky as he began his Quest for a Brain.


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  • wintershades says:

    Great story James ! When the Scarecrow reaches the Great City of Abbotsford and actually finds a Brain, he may have to let all the air out of it first before it can become useful. Better yet, he could use that air in his balloon for the return trip.

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