Stress And Sex – The Eternal Struggle

By Daisy Kirby. As a Relationship Whisperer, I come across a variety of sexual information, and get questions from some of my clients that I can either answer right away, or research and then get back to them with my findings. I’m not a doctor, so in general I don’t deal with the medical aspect of sexual well being, rather the emotional side that a doctor may not have time for. In short, I’m more a counsellor/advisor. And that’s the area I’ll be coming from in my columns.

That’s enough about me for now. I do actually have a topic I wanted to share with you today.

So, I’m sure we’ve all heard of a common ailment called stress, am I right? We know it’s bad for our blood pressure & heart; changes how our body deals with fat; causes acne and messes with our sleep patterns. We also know it can make us more irritable than we’d like. But it seems to me we don’t all know how detrimental it can be to our sex lives. Or how we can use our sack-sessions to fight it. Well, tah-dah! I’m here with my unscientific knowledge to help!

Stress inhibits our bodies from creating enough of the hormones that help our libido be at the level it should. What that means is we find ourselves not interested in sex as much as we may normally be. There have been many studies done to prove this. I will not quote (too much actual research for my taste), but I know for a fact that I have come across several different studies that came to the same conclusion-that stress is bad for libidos- during my literary travels.
When our sex drive is low, it affects our relationship with our significant other. Sometimes they may think the lack of interest personally reflects on them- that we don’t find them attractive anymore, or don’t love them anymore. These thoughts almost always bring hurt feelings along with them. For those affected by low sex drive, it can lead to feelings of guilt, poor health, and sometimes even to depression.
If the relationship isn’t strong, with poor communication, well, distance between the partners is bound to happen, and may even go as far as divorce. Let’s not have that happen, OK? Nip stress in the behind before the situation gets so bad.

Let’s go from negative to positive. We can use sex to help fight stress and its negative effects. Having a lovely romp in the hay with your partner not only burns calories ( a very nice side-effect), it also increases the amount of endorphins you body releases. Endorphins are, basically, feel-good hormones that fight off stress hormones. Now back to those studies I mentioned. They strongly suggest that once you get yourself in the mood and make some love, you’ll be more likely to want to make more love. And regular sessions of the love making actually boost your immune system, making you less susceptible to stuff like colds and flu’s, keeping you healthy for future hay romps. You may be noticing a positive upward spiral happening here.

Alright, alright, alright: I can hear some of you saying “that’s all fine and dandy, but how do you get yourself in the mood when you’re stressed to the max?” Well, my smart-alec, no-beating-around-the-bush answer is: “Fake it ’til you make it”. And yes, I know that sounds crude.
That’s why I don’t say that directly to my clients who ask. But that really is the heart of what it takes. And I’m not talking about faking your climax. If you were ever a moody teenager with parents who found that attitude soo annoying, you may have heard the old adage that goes something like “put a smile on your face and the rest will follow”, meaning: a) put on a smile, and soon you’ll feel like smiling; and b) fake it til you make it! Are you following me?
Now, I’m talking about getting your head in the game immediately- right now. Because if you wait for stress to go away before you work on your sex life, there might not a partner to do it with left! And today we are talking about how to use sex to fight stress, so no waiting ’til you’re in the mood! Yes, some of those de-stresser tips you’ve heard over time may help a little. Like taking a nice hot bubble bath.
That may, however just lead to boredom or sleepiness. Kind of counter productive. Try a hot bubble bath with you partner, though, and you may be on to something. Or you may have heard of foods that are supposedly aphrodisiacs. You can eat all the oysters you want; you’ll only feel full of slime, because I just read about a study that cited their findings that NO food was found to actually enhance libido! Shocker, I know! Yes, chocolate still has things going for it, but not as a love booster.

A massage is always helpful (unless your partner thinks he’s kneading bread made of STEEL and ends up giving you more charlie horses than you’ve ever had!), but as a woman, I find my husband either gets bored real fast or wants to take the ‘conversation’ to the next level too soon.
If you feel up to communicating, you can always sweetly suggest to your massager that a little softer, or just a bit longer will go a long way.
I just don’t bother asking for one. If I were a more aggressive woman, I would take up that task (the whole thing of teaching a good massage, and the importance of massaging for longer than you’d like), but I think he’s already fantastic and have chosen to leave this battle alone.
I do recommend you try massage with your partner, taking turns on each other. Touch is very important for awakening the libido, so it’s not to be ignored.

Communication is also highly underrated. If, for example, dirty pillow talk is something that used to turn you on, start it. Your partner hopefully gets the hint and reciprocates. That’s when you fake it ’til you’re actually in the mood. Make sure you always have your favourite lube on hand, as stress does reduce the amount of fluids our bodies secrete- for both men and women.

If this didn’t help, then Passion Parties has a product I highly recommend you try. It’s a unisex topical gel that is designed to increase libido. For some it works immediately, for others it does take about 3-5 separate times of use in a week to work. That is what I recommend to my clients instead of my direct line.

That’s it for this time. But if you have any further questions about this topic for me, or if I can help you with other sexual or relationship well being issues, you’re welcome to contact me through my website at . And yes, feedback and constructive criticism is appreciated, too!

Take care, and have a passionate day!

Daisy Kirby

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